Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Recap. As If.

Haven’t blogged in a month, which could probably explain the recurrent abdominal cancer pain, the weird hair growth where no hair used to grow, and the constant urge to eviscerate self. And since a handful of people strangely find delight in my daily pointlessness, here is more information than you possibly need to know.
1. Neurologist shipper jack knight recently gifted me with the gift of health. Mental health, that is. We passed by each other in the wards and she cryptically murmured, “I scream, you scream, we all scream for non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicle”, and I knew. She walked passed me and surreptitiously inserted a black plastic bag in one of those chart slots, then performed an eerie Anasazi chicken dance. I hurriedly opened the bag after casting furtive glances behind me, and I discovered that it was filled with… porcelain pandas. I broke open said pandas and discovered in glee… a bunch of fluoxetines. Mmmmmm. Again—Mmmmmmmmm. Okay so it didn’t happen that way—she just texted me that she had fluoxetines, and she handed them to me. Thank you, NSJK, won’t be trying to behead self any time soon.
2. Had our batch Christmas party on the last night of slaveyearhood. A few minutes before 12 mn, Pyra screamed, “No more readmissions!!!!” to everyone’s cheer. “No more quest for 21 vials of Imipenem!!!” Cheers. “No more disgusting, pathetic self-whoring for CT scan and 2D-echo scheduling!!!” Loud cheers. “No more MROD-ship and IV-line insertion trickery!!!” Loud, loud cheers. Alcohol, drunkenness, and nudity galore followed.
3. Saw Jumper on DVD (fake, of course), and was completely reaffirmed that Hayden can’t act his way out of a paperbag. I guess he’s going for the intense, brooding look, but he just looks stoned. Come to think of it, he’s probably stoned the entire time. The only good thing about it is Jamie Bell, who we will forever remember as the tutu-wearing… Billy Elliott!!! And as the military draftee in the Green Day video!!!
4. During one of my first duties as a clearance person I received a bunch of referrals for last-minute pre-holiday surgery crammings demanding cardiopulmonary clearance. First referral read in panic, “FIRST CASE!!!”, meaning the surgery will be done 6am the next day, so I marked it as priority for clearance. 2nd referral screamed in hysterical panic, “FIRST CASE!!!!!” so I marked it as well. 3rd referral yelled, caterwauled, shrieked, “FIRST CAAAAAASE!!!!!” so I marked it as well. And so on until the 21st referral. Just how many operating rooms and surgeons do we freaking have?!?! To annoy everyone I went to Robinson’s first and had my daily toy rounds. Sige, operahan nyo sila ng sabay-sabay! I thought, stomping my way to Toys R’ Us.
5. We recently moved to a new callroom, which is half the size of our first one. Everyone was hustling and bustling about, and Mark V and I simultaneously wanted to pass by this narrow space between the dining table and Gracieluisa’s table in a hurry, so we accidentally bumped each other and I fell on the floor. Okay maybe not fell on the floor, but I did hit my liver on the sharp edge of Gracieluisa’s table and I bled profusely. Okay maybe not bleed, but I did feel dizzy and got disoriented and thought I was in Azarath for ten seconds. Okay maybe not get disoriented, but I did get thrown across the room and got impaled on the metal bar that just happened to be jutting out of the wall. Okay maybe not get thrown and impaled but I did… the point is I don’t have any muscle mass and is therefore the perfect person to bully and hit. There.

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