Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Whapak! Whapak!

1. Been catching up on Prisonbreak, with the guys having escaped from the yellow-toned Panama prison and are now in mission impossible mode. Sarah of course is alive, because her head in the box looked like the head of Gwyneth Paltrow in Se7en after all. She’s all well and pretty, but she now has PTSD after being whipped the entire season in secret. To show us that she has PTSD, every time she gets pensive in a beach or in a bar or something we hear whipping sound effects—Whapak! Whapak!—to her award-winning grimaces. The current season is nearing its end, and the guys have already found Rimbaldi. I mean Scylla.
2. Recently discovered Pushing Daisies, which is very stylish, Royal Tenenbaumish, Franny and Zooeyish. It’s quite fun, and it’s making me hungry for a lot of cherry pies. The facts are these: Ned has the ability to bring the dead back to life with a touch. If he touches them again they die again forever. But if 60 seconds pass and he doesn’t touch them again so they can re-die, someone else within close proximity dies. Ned uses this ability to solve murder cases by touching dead victims back to life, asking them who killed them, and touching them dead again before the 60 seconds are up. And of course as with any fun show by the time I discovered it it has already been cancelled.
3. Survivor Gabon recently wrapped up, and the winner is Bob the Physics teacher. My fantasy role is to be one of those cheering locals in the home town of a Survivor winner the camera focuses on after the winner is announced. It just looks… fun.
4. In Smallville, Luthor and Lana are no longer regulars, and we instead have Green Arrow, Doomsday and Ms. Tetcher. The only thing to look forward to is the appearance of the Legion of Superheroes in January, and we know it’s not going to be crap because the episode will be written by Geoff Johns!!!
5. And in National Geographic, Fight Quest! Two American UFC dudes travel around the world and learn international fighting styles. This week they went to Manila and studied arnis, then competed with the Philippine military. One of my frustrations in life is arnis, which I particularly wanted to learn ever since Nightwing and Oracle, formerly Batgirl, took the fighting style as their preferred fighting mode. Come to think of it, it’s not even a frustration. A frustration is when you at least got to buy the implement, and after failing to be good in it or sustain interest equipment now sit dully in your locker room, along with the tae-kwon-do uniform with the yellow belt, the guitar, the flute, the parapalooshka, etc.
6. And in Heroes, healing powers! Cheerleader Blondie has healing powers. So does Peter. And Sylar. And Cheerleader Blondie’s dad as well because he got some blood transfusion. And Nathan also managed to heal his own burned face. And 4 other characters have healing powers as well. Healing powers are soooo cool. I get it!
7. While lazying up in our new callroom Tessie brought up the topic Eva Fonda. What the heck is Eva Fonda I asked. Everyone had their inputs, but Tessie recounted all the episodes so far in a sentence, “Eva Fonda got raped by her stepfather so she went to Manila and on the way there the taxi-driver raped her and when she found a job her boss raped her. In last night’s cliffhanger, a pedicab driver was eyeing her boobies as if he were planning to… rape her.” I finally saw a commercial of this show, and it shows Eva Fonda in the shower, and a dude outside is pressing his ear against the restroom door, licking his lips, obviously waiting to, what else, rape her.
8. Still while lazying up in the new callroom, Studio 23 was having a movie marathon for Christmas. And we all watched Honey I Shrunk the Kids. HIV yelled: “Betamax classic!”. Chiroptera cried: “Big props!!!” Bat Hound: “Puppetry!!!” Purple Girl: “Robotics!!!” HIV: “Rick Moranis!!!!” Unlike in most old movies re-watched recently, we couldn’t identify any of the actors other than Rick Moranis. Obviously none of them became huge stars. We therefore concluded that the girl Amy became a porn star none of us got to see.
9. More lazying up in the callroom (so much time to happily lazy about): David Archuleta was singing Crush in MYX. As we watched the video Ruthie theorized, “I think he’s gay.” Nods, grunts, uh-huhs. 20 seconds later HIV walked in to the callroom. He then said, “Oooh, David! I think he’s gay.” This called to mind Ditz D Titz, who is now in Neptune, New Jersey, treating American kids with, what else, Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease and Kuru. Unlike the regular gaydar which utilizes electromagnetic waves, she uses her very astute sense of smell. To quote, she can smell a closet gay guy’s secret matres. This called to mind a strange Bachelorette-type reality competition wherein the girl must detect who among her hunky suitors is straight, with almost all of them secretly gay. If her final pick is a gay guy she wouldn’t get the million dollars, and she wouldn’t get laid. Forgot the name of this weird show, and I’m not sure if she found her one true love. I remember that when I first saw the ad for this I wanted to pitch a new concept: A Bachelor-type of show wherein the guy must chose who among the girls does not have… gonorrhea. Or haemophilus ducreyi infection. Or glomerulonephritis.

2 comments:

HTGOF said...

wow probably the first time you mentioned the word cherry in your blog ever. omg buhay pala si sarah sa prison break!!!

will said...

AHAHAHHAHAHAHA thanks HTGOF for saving this 3-year old entry from becoming... thero thommenths! AHAHAHAHHAHAHA