Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Force of Your Thrusts Will Bring Me Back to Life, said the Kinky Girl

The best way to watch Nip/Tuck specially if you don’t have much time is to get a DVD copy, play it on your computer, and scroll to the sensational, disgusting, good parts. That way I have watched almost 15 episodes in 1 hour, and this is what I’ve learned:

After breaking it off with Christian and Sean, Julia decides she is now a lesbian and who should be her lesbian lover but Portia de Rossi to the chagrin of Sean, who, at the same time, is being seduced by Portia’s own daughter, who is on the side trying to teach Sean’s 12 year-old daughter how to be bulimic, do coke, and give head. Meanwhile, Sean is trying to have a relationship with an actress who apparently had gastric bypass years ago to lose weight, but this actress is in fact still trying to contend with weight issues, so she takes a lot of laxatives, and one morning while she and Sean are about to have sex in the Jacuzzi she uncontrollably craps liquid crap all over the Jacuzzi, turning the water into a brown pool of stool, which is supposedly okay with Sean, but he still gets it on with Portia’s 18-year old daughter and manages to have an acute MI in the middle of sex.

Meanwhile, Sean’s son Matt who is married to ex-porn star turned ex-scientologist now meth-junkie Kimmy is now dirt poor as Kimmy has given all their money away to Scientology, and after being disowned by Scientology turned to crystal meth for comfort. In poverty and drug-craziness Kimmy tries to get back into porn by talking to a porn producer who looks suspiciously like Jonathan Kent, who declares that Kimmy is now ugly and that Matt instead should be the one giving porn a try, particularly gay porn where the real money is, so into the enema room Matt goes.

Lots and lots of sex galore, as Christian engages in a threesome with two Marilyn Monroe look-alikes, with a prostitute who looks like his ex-girlfriend who has HIV, and with a Kinky Girl. What Kinky Girl wants is to immerse herself in a bathtub full of ice to induce hypothermia, and once she is GCS 3 she wants Christian to immediately carry her to the bed and have sex with her frozen body, in the hopes that, to quote her, “the force of your thrusts will bring me back to life”. Kinky Girl explains this away by saying that her sister killed herself when they were kids, which depressed her mom much, hence this kinkiness. Huh?! Her kinkiness of course lands her in the emergency room.

More kinkiness!

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