Monday, January 11, 2010

2010. Hah!

Wow, 2010. Who would have thought, right? Back then while playing Hanabishi Family Computer—that useless piece of crap!!!—I’ve thought that in twenty or so years we would have teleportation machines and flying saucers and such. But what do we have? Cars. And food. The same pedestrian stuff. No alien invasion ever happened, I was not even abducted, my high school nemesis bully failed to mutate and is still recognizably human. Obviously I should intervene and push him into a vat of boiling chemicals. He would become the Joker, and of course, I would still be his nemesis—Robin, The Boy Wonder.

2009 was not particularly entertaining or fun either. While having dinner in Banana Leaf with Smoketh, Tessa, and Ditz the Titz who is now the chief resident of pediatrics in Jersey Shore in Neptune after having defeated Veronica Mars for the position, Tessa sprang out a plastic bag full of fun-looking stuff. “While waiting for the food we’re going to have… an activity!” she cheerily said. She handed each one of us some small package with a question on it, and if you get to answer it you can open the package. I knew there was food in it, so I answered the question: How would you describe 2009? “Fast,” I said. Indeed, no year has ever gone by faster. I would need a Flux Capacitor to review why it was so fast. After the meal Tessa facilitated another activity. She ordered us to get our paper napkins and shape it into something that would represent my dreams. She shaped it into a two-story house with gate, a foyer, and a pet dog. I tore out mine so it would transform into a mask, punched eye holes into it, wore it, and said, “My dream is to become… Robin, The Boy Wonder.”

Come to think of it a lot has happened in 2009. I went back into non-blog writing and published some stuff in a magazine and a broadsheet. I developed new and annoying punch lines with which to entertain my batch mates. I’ve become horribly paranoid, suspected everyone of trying to vote me off the island, and led me to create Brother Eye. I had some real life, non-vicarious, genuine, tangible problems which caused me some anguish and an embarrassing, unexpected weeping spell in front of Smoketh. I’ve become addicted to more stuff. Became an alcoholic for around ten days. I’ve fucked. I mean fucked-up—fucked-up, of course, as in screwed-up some responsibility—of course I mean fucked-up, I mean who would think I really mean fuck as in fornicate, right?!

I’m not quite confident about 2010. It will suck.

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