Monday, March 1, 2010

A Very, Very Thirsty Fetus

As I’ve blathered about two hundred entries ago back in the Friendster blog era, my most frequent dream was going to school and discovering I was nude. This was more common among youngish people than I’ve thought, but as soon as I’ve resolved all my bestiality, frotteurism, and other paraphiliac issues through illegal drugs—I mean therapy—those dreams have ended. For the past few years the dream that has frequented me most involved me going to a toy shop and finding oodles and oodles of hard-to-find action figures at an extremely cheap price. I would even find action figures of Princess Projectra, Kid Psycho, and Bouncing Boy, none of whom were even actually made into action figures yet. How fun! How wonderful! How so totally golly-gosh-gee! Then I would suddenly wake-up to an ugly wife, vinegared tulingan for breakfast, and unemployment.

A few days ago after finishing my morning rounds of three patients at 10 am I ran to Robinson’s for my toy rounds which have been getting less and less frequent each month, what with poverty and all, and what should I discover with glee but… the 4th Annual Toys and Games Convention, with the booths just finishing their set-up! Thousands of loose, relatively cheap toys were just being brought out, with very few competition in sight. In the spirit of materialism I immediately rummaged through the buckets and trays and boxes and tupperwares of old action figures and discovered in total excitement: Loose DC Direct Silver Age versions of Green Arrow and Speedy released in 2000, which could be bought then in a box set for P2,500! The booth is now selling these DC figs for 3 for 1,000, so for completion I grabbed… The DC Direct Vic Sage Question!!! Palpitating I checked out another booth and discovered and got… DC Universe Wildcat, Booster Gold, and Blue Beatle!!! At 1/5th the price!!!

And it wasn’t a hoax, it wasn’t an imaginary story, it wasn’t a dream, I didn’t wake-up beside an emaciated wife with crooked teeth and syphilis, but I did get an emergency call from Fulet Esplana who asked me where I was. “Errr, I’m, errr…” I stammered. “Special Agent Fox Mulder,” she said firmly, “Achtung Baby is now in the ICU. Her BP is 70/40.” In the spirit of my Violet Lantern of Love for Achtung Baby I ran to the ICU and discovered some other batchmates of ours huddled in front of her. Her blood pressure was still 80/30 after an hour and lots of fluids, but since she was awake we all just made kwentuhan and laughed with her. Proof that when the patient is your batchmate it doesn’t matter how HAMI you are—you stop being a doctor and start being a Blammoid (to check how a Blammoid looks like check out the Aquaman Blammoid figure a few entries down).

“Maybe we should get a urine sample or something?” Kyawa said.

“Or maybe we need to hook her to oxygen or something. Or do ECG, I guess,” I said.

“Should we call in for 2D-Echo?” Hokum asked.

“What could have caused the shock?” Discombobulated Dina asked.

“EWAN!” we collectively said. A fellow we knew came in. I rapidly told her the events and asked what she thinks caused it. “Malay ko,” she said, affirming our cluelessness.

Achtung Baby’s blood pressure went back to normal after a few hours and 3 liters of fluids which distended her bladder much. Achtung Baby’s OB-Gyne texted that it could have been due to insensible losses of pregnancy—it’s one extremely thirsty 9-week old fetus therefore. Finally Achtung Baby’s husband came in. ICU setting or not whenever I see Tapaenguin I instinctively check if he has brought us tapsilog, being a big-time owner of a popular tapa restaurant foodchain.

2 comments:

Walking on Water said...

I heard about that! she must have had vagal hypersensitivity. pregnancy-induced.
Though I sometimes wonder if there really is such a thing.

will said...

vagal hypersensitivity, pregnancy induced! i love it.i called up sir gino in panic, wala na kasi kami maisip na cause.:)