Monday, July 19, 2010

Kitty Galore

For one whole day Pyro was singing Pyramid by Charice in the callroom, which should be OK except that he only knows four words in the song, the first word "Stones", and "Like a Pyramid!" We were finally able to extract Pyro from this spell and dragged as many people as we could to Inception, which is groundbreaking (the dragging--9 people from the batch plus honorary batchmates derma people Monica and Eileen) and for the first time in almost 3 years Roothie was able to come with us. Inception is spectacular, highly entertaining, fun, and all the reviews are saying, so we will not repeat them here. Not many would think it's the best aspect, but I think the best bit would have to be the classic Mission: Impossible (the TV series, not the crap movies) group dynamic.

As in all the movies I watch I suddenly switched to DC Universe casting director mode and looked for potential stars for my ultimate DC Universe movie. Just to get it out of the way-- yes, yes , the 500 Days of Summer Guy should definitely play Spiderman and not that Garfield whoever, but since Spiderman is not DC we will not include him in the discussion. Juno Girl is the most stand-out to play a DC heroine, which is an interesting idea considering that she has already played a Marvel character, Shadowcat--the only good thing in that X3 movie where everyone died. Obviously, Juno Girl should play... the young Barbara Gordon as Batgirl!!! Yes, she is the ultimate Batgirl Year One Barbara Gordon, high-kicking Killer Moth in the face and all!!! And Tom Hardy should play Hawkman. Casting ends there.

The movie played for over two hours and sort of got tiring at certain points, specially when they continued to hit us on the head with the wife issue which got a little exasperating.
"Bakit kasi hindi na lang patayin yung wife para matapos na," Tits whispered.
"Oo nga, di naman kagandahan," I said.

Everyone seemed happy with the movie, except Hurricane Katrina, which is to my benefit as she only had this to say, "Dapat Cats and Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore na lang pinanood natin."

Indeed, Hurricane Katrina, and once it premieres here I will make it a point to drag the entire batch to the movie so we could all marvel at the masterpiece-in-the-making Cats and Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore!!! Title pa lang blockbuster na.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Watch out, Krypto!

Cats. Have just realized that cats have played a much bigger role in my life than, say, medical education and psychiatric consults have. Years ago I've blogged about the death of my childhood cats (as opposed to singlehood cats, loneliness cats, voodoo cats, etc.). The nefarious Smi who would claw everyone in sight has been assassinated by an assassin employed by my parents, Slick has been run down by a tricycle, and Hazel fell over our neighbor's grounds and eaten by their evil dogs. Those events have triggered a latent desire to be a cat, and just a couple of years later I've written an essay on wanting to be a cat which was noted by my high school teacher and made her decide I would be fit to edit the high school paper. In college I've written a story about a telepathic dude whose last act was to transport his entire consciousness into the body of his pet cat. And then years later the movie Cats and Dogs was released, and I was among the first to watch, although it was pretty obvious even from the trailers that the cats would once again be portrayed as evil. Even though it was a wonderful movie I've spent sleepless nights and drug sessions in my fortress of solitude bemoaning my fate of not being a cat instead, until it has come to my attention that there will be a new Cats and Dogs movie aptly titled The Revenge of Kitty Galore! And I will not be satisfied unless the cats feast on the doggie carcasses at the end of the film!

And truly this is the year of the cat, as who should come into the fore in the DC Universe but the new Red Lantern of Rage and the best character creation of Geoff Johns so far, the purely nefarious... Dex-Starr!!! His origin in one sentence: He is a cutesy cat named Dexter who has been adopted by some woman and this woman was killed and he is overwhelmed with rage and a Red Lantern of Rage swoops down to his tail turning him into the kitty buddy of Atrocitus as the Red Lantern Dex-Starr!!!


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Harrison's Freaks

I don’t recall the exact moment when everyone in the callroom turned into Harrison’s Freaks, for all I know they might have been that way all this time. In any case recently everyone has been hurling questions and infos and reverse infos and double-reverse negative questions from the much lauded Harrison’s. Harrison’s Freaks, all of them, but I don’t necessarily mean freak in a bad way, I mean that in an endearing way, like come here, you freak, let’s fuck. Yeah, like that. For a moment it has rubbed on me, not the intense studying habits, mind you, but the over-all mindset. “Di ba, according to Harrison’s, DRE does not cause elevation of…” I once said during our gen med rounds, but I stopped myself on time, hyperventilated upon the realization of being an HF, and spontaneously combusted, after which my two residents and interns clapped in glee as they stepped on my ashes. “He’s dead!!!!” JM clapped. “He’s dead!!!!”

I think. At one point the Harrison’s Freakazoidness has reached MK level—that’s Maximum Karindihan level to you, the level of no return, the high-pitchiness level of which could summon deaf alien mutant bat-dog hybrids from Venus—that Mrs. Therese almost unclothed her giant fish (she has a patient who would always give her 8-kg fish) and threw the damn thing on the bed, screaming “Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaks!”.

“What is the Rome criteria as updated in 2006?” “Pegylated interferon is superior to lamivudine in what regard?” “Enumerate all the classes of lupus nephritis and tell me ALL their histopathologic features!!! And their treatment!!!!” Lightning, thunder, muzak.

Pyro has even transcended regular Harrison’s Freakazoidness and became telepathic. “Hey Pyro,” I asked, “what is the most common…”
“Fatigue,” he correctly said.

Since then my questions would go like this:
“Hey Tits, what are the two types of?”
“Hey HIV, what is the percentage of?”
“Hey Tessieloopagooparoopiepoop, azathioprine is, because, and yet?”
“Hey Pyro, how many?”
“Hey Djana, flea?”
To the last one Djana astutely replied, “Flea-bitten, or flea-like?”
My batchmates are freaks. In a come-over-here-and-let’s-have-sex-using-leather-implements sense.


My idea of a leave would of course be staying in my room watching snuff porn for two weeks straight, but luckily Smirketh and Enjh saved me from porn OD-ing and hauled me to Sonya’s Garden. I’ve heard that this place has some zen feel to it--I don't even know what zen really means, it just brings up images of flowers, incense, candles, that stuff--hence the following questions from me to Smirketh and Enjh as Smirketh was driving away: Are we required to wear white robes all day? Will there be zen music with parapalooshka and sitar playing all day? Will everything smell of incense? Huh? Huh?

The place would have none of that stuff, they said. Which begged the other end of the spectrum questions: Will there be a mirror on the ceiling? Will there be stirrups at the foot of the toilet bowl? Will there be a general kinkiness feel to the place?

“Will this be your first time there?” Enjh asked back.
“You can drag me anywhere and it would be my first time there,” I said.

The place looked like there would be a white lady at every turn, at one point I almost woke Smirketh up so she could accompany me to the bathroom. There was this huge mirror in the bathroom (not attached to the ceiling) which of course is a portal for wraiths, ghosts, white ladies, and other demonic stuff. I claimed that the place looked eerily familiar, as if I've seen it as the setting of White Lady Deepthroaters Part 4: The Gangbang, but Smoketh reprimanded me and told me to behave and that I should try to be one with nature or some Jungian stuff like that. I initially decided to go WOLT (without laptop), thinking it would be against the spirit of solitude and stuff, but good thing I didn’t, because by 10pm there was absolutely nothing to do, Enjh was asleep as asleep could be, and Smirketh was watching some Lloydie movie. Eventually the running water from the fountain dragged me to sleep, which was great, except that the whole time I was dreaming of floating on a beach, interjected by the constant desire to pee. The entire place has that over-all nostalgia feel to it, and in a heart-rending moment I told Smirketh: Look at that bed, Smirketh. Imagine its history. All the stories, all the lives that this bed could tell. My point is, just imagine, Smirketh, how many people, through the years, have fucked on it.

The dinner and breakfast were great, but the highlight of the place would have to be the huge bathroom where Enjh could sit on the rocking chair reading The Guy Not Taken, while Smirketh was taking a bath, while I was taking crap, all at the same time, which did not really happen, but the bathroom was indeed a multi-disciplinary conference hall. The downside would have to be if you take a crap, the smell of the crap would waft into the room through the open space atop the bathroom door which no amount of roses everywhere could stifle.

Because yes, there were flowers on the floor of the bathroom, because there were flowers everywhere: in the sink, on the mangoes, on the stairs, in the supot with the take-out lettuce, everywhere. Smirketh only needed to place one on her right ear, play Jasmine Trias, and sing, all together now… Inseparable.

...which she could sing in a duet with....

Indeed there were so many damn flowers the first thing I did upon reaching home was watch Batman: The Animated Series to see exploding-- EXPLODING!!!- buildings.

New Krypton

Finally finished The New Krypton mega-saga, which has been going on in the Superman line of comic books for the past two years and has encompassed over 80 comic book issues. It took me two CENICU months to finish the damn thing, and I must say that it has been quite an entertaining ride with really good action and hundreds of story threads, some of which went nowhere, but still convened together to form one mega-story line. Of course, everything almost goes back to status quo by the end of it all, but still, the story line has some great achievements. The best of which, I think, would probably be the wonderful development of characterizations of Lois Lane, Lana Lang, and Supergirl. Kara Zor-El Supergirl, upon returning to the main DC continuity in 2005 has suffered from the many different treatments of many writers, the worst of which was by Joe Kelly with that assassinate Superman thing. Sterling Gates has fleshed out Supergirl so completely that I actually believe she is now a real… person. Come and visit me some time in my room, Kara Zor-El, and I’ll show you my DC action figures. I have displayed your figure in the middle and displaced the Big Three—Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman—to the background. Come on, Kara Zor-El, Supergirl, Maid of Might, Last Daughter of Krypton, Linda Lee, Linda Lee Danvers, Linda Lang, or whatever name you wish to call yourself now, come and get me, and be in your Michael Turner get-up.

Deceive, Inveigle, Obfuscate

Thanks to BOTD for allowing me to watch for the 2nd time the much-panned 2008 X-Files movie X-Files I Want To Believe! I know everybody says it sucks, but being a long-term, full-time X-Phile I am incapable of admitting how really horrible it is, so let me just say instead that it would have probably worked better as a filler episode in Season 1 or 2 alongside Shapes and The Jersey Devil, minus the kissing and the wrinkles. Clearly this is a low-budget movie, and I’ve appreciated watching it more now in my computer than I had when I saw it on the big screen. I would have probably enjoyed it much more had I seen it in Betamax. Or, why not, even on a Monday night in RPN 9 with millions of commercials. I remember that I did make predictions in a blog entry on what the movie would be like almost a year before the movie came out, and I got one right: that cliché about Fox Mulder now being a recluse with lots of facial hair. Good points of the movie: more solo Scully scenes and personal issues, that manicured hand of the gay modern Frankenstein was a hoot, Skinner is always fun to watch, and Amanda Peet falling to her death is wonderful. Also, you need to give Scully some credit—the FBI recruited her directly from medical school back in 1992 or so, was an FBI agent from then on until 2002 when the series ended, and by 2008 she is some sort of pediatric neurosurgeon who could do intrathecal stem cell transplantation and her only source… GOOGLE. Yes, you can treat lipid/lysosomal/glycogen storage disease or whatever that Sandhof Disease is using Google. Good final scene with Scully deciding to push through with the OR, though. Bad thing: what, no one, not even the crew, or David or Gillian or anyone from the cast, even asked Chris Carter if Scully hitting the bad guy on the head with a shovel is climactic enough? No one even said, “that’s it?!” ?!?!?!

I know there will never be another X-Files movie, but just in case, here are my proposals which I am now telepathically sending—not to Chris Carter or Frank Spotnitz who should never write or direct an X-Files episode again—but to real directors such as Christopher Nolan or yes, even Brian de Palma who I think can create that confusing, over-arching conspiratorial vibe. The title, of course, would be the catch phrase of the Season 4 episode Teliko: The X-Files: Deceive, Inveigle, Obfuscate.

1. The movie has just that: a confusing, over-arching conspiratorial vibe with lots of confusing conversations in dark alleys and in the FBI corridors or in parking lots or such, all of which are cleared up at the end of the movie. There is just the right amount of explosions with overhead shots just to give it the big screen feel, but not in the histrionic Mission Impossible 2 way. And the evil bees, bring back those damn alien virus-containing bees.

2. Mulder and Scully are back in the FBI, back in the basement, back in the X-Files, back in the status quo. Through cosmetic surgery they look exactly like they looked during their peak in Season 5. I still think William Mulder should be shot in the head while they are having breakfast as I’ve originally suggested, but since it’s not gonna happen, this is the alternative: While in the basement M&S receive a secret folder containing the supposed whereabouts of their son, William. They go to this secret location—which would involve secret box car trains, of course—only to find William dead, eaten by the el chupacabra. Scully of course gives her Season 8-worthy histrionic breakdown, but that should be it, she would then revert back to her Season 1-3 level of being kebs about everything.

3. Doggett and Reyes should be there. I don’t care what anyone says, I love seasons 8 and 9. They ride a car carrying some new incontrovertible proof about a conspiracy in the FBI or maybe about the existence of extraterrestrials (lagi naman), and the car… explodes!!! So everyone thinks they’re dead, but they resurface by the middle of the movie. I don’t know how they got out, Christopher/Brian, do I have to think of everything?!

4. The new conspiracy is now headed by Marita Covarrubias and Alex Krycek, which was the original plan back when Season 8 was still commencing but which never came to pass. I am now straining to remember what happened to the two of them. Wait, Krycek was shot on the head by Skinner and showed up as a ghost in Season 9. Marita Covarrubias I think is still alive. Yes, she is! One of the few survivors of this show. Truly, not everything dies, Mr. Mulder.

Hey, Beautiful

Is apparently the song by The Solids from which the papapapa-papapapa intro of How I Met Your Mother was taken. Having said that, here are some… questions. That people might want to answer with… answers. Which would be annoyingly cryptic to those who are not… concerned.

1.Hey, BOTD, whatever happened to your Astro Vision collection of Rom Com’s? Was it a) stepped on b) dropped in a toilet bowl or c) stolen by the real Astro Vision for threatening their business? Where am I going to get my fix of romantic comedies now?

2.Hey, Missus, take your pick: blowtorch, hatchet, or a machine gun? Putting it another way, would you rather: burn, hack, or make ratrat FN?

3.Hey ANL and Len-Len, when are you going to teach me some black ghetto Bronx way of saying “I’m going to kill you first!”? You’re the only ones I’ve informed of the death threat, so if you see me dead, killed assassin-style, you would know who to apprehend.

4.Hey, Chel, what, no rank-and-filing this year?

5.Hey, Marth V, what, no new post-coital adventures?

6.Hey, Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie, will you throw your used tampons in the trash can next time? They look cute but they're not bloody enough.

7.Hey, Shur, so apparently, Shur also lurs and churs? Do you believe in love? After love?

8.Hey, IM-Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrfect, any new revelations in my absence other than Lloydie’s wedding? No one caught doing heroin in the rest room? No one having a complete nervous breakdown with histrionics and declaration of self-mutilation? Nothing?

9.Hey, Jojapatmoju, did you get RBTDS some beer?

10.Hey, Enjh and Smoketh, was that the first and last beer drinking session with an unfettered/unattached Smoketh?