Our rant for the day instead will come from Linda, the Juliane Moore character from the ever reliable movie Magnolia. The premise is this: Linda is the sort of cosmopolitan girl who married a really old guy for his money who is now dying from, what else, cancer. She realizes, in pure heartbrokenness, that she really loves him after all. So she runs from one doctor to the next who prescribed her husband some powerful pain-killers. As she is buying all these powerful stuff (Mmmmmm, powerful STUFF), the pharmacists eye her with doubt. When she couldn't take the judgmental comments ANYMORE, OR, when she couldn't ANYMORE take the judgmental comments, she lets out this fantastic rant. Take it away, Juliane Moore:
You motherfucker...you motherfucker.... YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
I COME IN HERE - YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU DON'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM OR WHAT MY LIFE IS AND YOU HAVE THE FUCKING BALLS, THE INDECENCY TO ASK ME A QUESTION ABOUT MY LIFE --
And FUCK YOU TOO. Don't you call me "lady."
I come in with these things, I give it over to you, you doubt, you make your phone calls, check on me, look suspicious, ask questions, "I'm sick." I HAVE SICKNESS ALL AROUND ME AND YOU FUCKING ASK ME MY LIFE? WHAT'S WRONG? HAVE YOU SEEN DEATH IN YOUR BED IN YOUR HOUSE? And where is your fucking decency? That I'm asked questions "WHAT'S WRONG?" You suck my dick, that's what's wrong and you, you fucking call me "lady." You SHAME ON YOU. SHAME ON YOU. SHAME ON BOTH OF YOU.
Now THAT is one giant rant.Which suddenly gives me an idea. I should popularize this rant somehow and somehow trick people into thinking it's... a declamation piece! Now that should win grade-conscious, extra-curricular-grabbing students the medal over the other contestant who just bawls her eyes out over.... ALMS ALMS SPARE ME A PIECE OF BREAD!