Sunday, October 23, 2011

NNO

I have a pathologic inability to escape situations. Such that if a talkish person suddenly accosts me in the corridor and makes kwento for hours on end I would find it too difficult to push her aside and run to wherever I need to go. Or if someone all of a sudden invites me to something I would hem and haw and stutter and stammer before I could give an excuse making it obvious that I'm lying so I would just say, with much dread, SURE! I'D LOVE TO COME TO YOUR PERFORMANCE POETRY EXHIBITION! Mrs. Therese regards this as part of a syndrome I am afflicted with (can't say no, afraid to offend someone, inability to lie quickly and convincingly), ie, some kind of a Wuss Syndrome. This is the reason why I was for a time vortexed into attending a couple of weird religious events in UP Diliman, which deserves another ranty, self-deprecating, shameful blog entry all together.

And just recently, a patient was quite chatty. During weekend rounds I plan to make a maximum of five minutes-per-patient rounds. I set a timer. Because if I stay and chat with everyone leisurely I would get home at 10pm. Except Faciphaga Emasculata was strangely chatty and I just... couldn't.... escape. He wouldn't let me, and he made it clear. "Wag kang aalis," he said.

Interestingly, he delivered quite a number of points. And even exhibited some kind of skill on how to deliver a story, make sure the listener is engaged, and make sure he CAN'T ESCAPE. For an hour. The salient points being:

1. "You look like you're 21 years old." (Ahoy! Way to get my undivided attention)
2. "We live in a crazy country." (POINT!)
3. "You need to pray for God to give you a good wife." (Talagang PRAY ahahahaha)
4. Viagra rules.
5. Money drives the world.
6. That his girlfriend, in a rating scale of 1-10, is an ELEVEN.
7. Connections rule.
8. and his last advice to me: "Marry someone rich."

After minutes and minutes and minutes on end of inability to escape, I finally did a rote physical examination and managed to sheepishly slink away. My entry in the chart: continue present management.

6 comments:

Kick said...

Pareho kayo ng sakit ng mommy ko hahahaha. (Pero hindi pala ako sure kung sya yung hindi makaescape o sya yung trap. Hahaha)

But I don't blame you, magaling mag-hold ng audience yung pasyente mo!

BOTD said...

wahahahaha. i must say i have the same syndrome. we must sometimes learn to say no. :)

in fairness naman kay patient...may pagka-totoo naman ang mga points nya ahahahahahaha

HTGOF said...

But you just said to NO to us! Hmph!!! So did you listen to him with your heaheart?!

will said...

i did say no.... hanggang text ko lang kaya mag NO ahahahahahahaha kung harapan na ay mabubulol ako

trees said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Namatay ako sa kakatawa!!!

will said...

i think ano, may extra component ang pagiging first hand witness to it all ahahahhahaha