Wednesday, April 18, 2012

HELLE!

In my few months of unwanted hiatus I've rummaged through my closet and other nooks and crannies in my room and discovered more--MORE!--trash that if allowed would take over the entire room in a few more years. I have been putting off throwing these things out for quite some time thinking I might have some use for them, until my resolve was shattered by a few episodes of the Bio TV series Hoarders. In Hoarders hoarders' homes are psychoanalyzed and stuff followed by some amount of bulldozing for good measure. In one episode a cat lady's house packed with trash was visited and in the attic was discovered ten-years' worth of feces in plastic bags. The cat lady's feces, not the cats'. I haven't discovered any preserved feces in my room, but I did discover something equally horrendous: my grade 5 test papers neatly fasted in a folder! With much courage at the definite embarrassment they would bring I skimmed through the feces. Of particular horrifying delight was a test paper on HELE (Home Economics and Livelihood Something). One essay question was: Ano ang didal?

What the fuck is a didal? Why would a teacher ask what a didal is? Why would anyone ask anyone what the heck a didal is? Surely I couldn't possibly have known what the heck a didal is. I then read my answer prepared to read my grade 5 equivalent of what the hellellell and it went:

Ang didal ay sinusuot sa daliri upang hindi ka matusok ng karayom habang nananahi. Ang didal ay maaaring gawa sa bakal o plastik. Ito ay importante upang mapangalagaan ang safety ng nananahi. Score: 5/5.

I cringed. What a douchebag. What a total grade conscious kiss-ass. What a total geek and not even a geek in fun, important things, but a geek in sewing implements. I probably wanted to write an invective instead, but because I wanted to get a bleeping 5/5 I had to write that cringeworthy piece of crap.

Upon seeing my high school friends I told them this horrendous piece of crap.
"Ano ang didal?" I asked.
"What the fuck is that?" Namtab Pots said.
"Huh-a?" Tintin asked.
"Pota anong didal?" Ruth Marx.
I would then tell them the story as I've narrated here. Another friend, Toms, then arrived.
"Hey Toms, ano ang didal?" I asked.
"Didal, yung ano sinusuot ng mga mananahi sa daliri para hindi sila matusok pag nananahi, sa english thimble," Toms said with confidence.

Go HELE!


2 comments:

BOTD said...

home economics and livelihood something for the win! i just stumbled upon your new entries! glad to see you blogging again. for more things to read without the clang! loveeeet. ahahahaaha.

will said...

clanging and bonging and banging