Thursday, October 18, 2012

Contemplative Crap

And before we knew it we are running at four months to go before training ends. My greatest fear is to die before all of this wraps up. Or if not die, become debilitated for some reason. For instance, i've recently discovered a tiny pigmented thing on my sclera that could be melanoma. I've also noted recently that my voice has been slowly changing, like in patients with laryngeal ca. I sometimes cough. And have recurrent chest pains which could be a mediastinal mass or massive pleural effusion. At one point while taking my pulse I've noted that my heart skipped multiple beats--worse (or is it really worse?) than any malignancy I could just develop arrhythmia and suddenly die. Talo ko pa ang isang lola na may symptom salad, but just because the lola has a laundry list of symptoms doesn't mean she doesn't really have them. And even if these are just imaginary symptoms, I could slip while walking along Faura and get impaled in one of those metal construction bars.

To further emphasize that training is on its final leg people everywhere are losing their heads on what to do next. Pre-residents have recently completed the application process and would soon start in the department. Senior residents are graduating and are now vying for spots in various Hellowship programs. This reminds me that back in October of 2010 when we were contemplating on what hellowship program to apply for, I had absolutely no idea what to do, as always. I was counting on again copying Mrs. Therese's decisions in life (like her decision to go to medical school and then go to Internal Medicine), but she would eventually bail out on me. So while sitting and fixing my stuff in the senior residents' office, contemplating and whining on what to do next, I've decided that the best way to go about choosing which fellowship to take is by the classic, foolproof method of... voting out!



I listed all the subspecialties and one-by-one voted them out on certain grounds. The easiest, for example, was Cardiology: "Ayoko na mag-night duty ever EVER!" and then Pulmo: "Ayoko na mag-night duty ever EVER!" Of course it was probably just a matter of finding the reason for not liking something that I haven't really liked anyway, and I still feel that, despite all the extreme difficulties of the past two years, the pieces are maybe fitting together. Eventually the pieces would probably fit together to form one demented picture. Except if I die before March. 

2 comments:

HTGOF said...

in fairness at least di na X lahat! kay bilis ng panahon! puede din you die right after grad. ahahahaha im joking im joking!

will said...

IKR mag v-tach bigla pagbaba ng stage