Monday, March 21, 2016

MOMOL vs Beach Sex

"I'm watching The Affair on TV," Helliza messaged. "It's about Richard Gomez who fucks..."
"I know," I interrupted her with glee. "I've seen it in the cinema. I had a date."
"Who was your date?!?!" Helliza enthused.

A few months ago we had an early morning committee meeting with the research team in a hospital in the province. Said meeting ended at ten a.m., and the next activity was 5 pm. I had zero zero zero patients, I barely had any friends there, and there was nothing else to do... but watch The Affair in the mall beside the hospital.

While waiting for the movie to start, drinking my mango juice and tweedling through my phone, who should I see walking in but... the parish priest. He is also a member of the said research group, and I guess he had no masses or confessions to hold. We weren't really close, but we saw each other at the exact moment. I guess he felt a bit compelled to sit with me. But he left an empty seat between us. Awkwaaaaard.

I'm not the best at small talk, but good thing priests are THE BEST PEOPLE AT DOING SMALL TALK. I guess while we as doctors do need social skills to build rapport with patients, there is still that very specific topic of disease that we would eventually discuss with them. Priests, on the other hand, listen to confessions, talk to the elderly lay, give advice to everyone, etc. I only needed to mutter unintelligible mutters and yes and yes father I agree.

Finally the movie, and small talk ended. It's about Richard Gomez a neurosurgeon who cheated on his wife Dawn because she cheated first, although as Dawn said, there was no fucking, just MOMOL. Richard would not hear any of it, so he didn't just MOMOL Bea Alonzo, he fucked her. On a giant rock by the beach. It looked uncomfortable for them, but more for me, who felt like a 7-year old watching Regal Shocker on TV when suddenly there was a kissing scene and my mother was there beside me. It's the discomfort of not knowing whether to pretend like you weren't aroused, but you weren't even really aroused, you just wanted them to think you weren't thereby looking like you were SUPER AROUSED. While Richard was pumping Bea (who should get acute spinal cord compression because that's a ROCK she was lying on), I shot a furtive glance at Father Auerbach. I don't know what I was expecting to see on his face, but there was nothing unremarkable there. He wasn't pretending to cover his eyes or something.

The movie ended and as we were walking out of the cinema Father Auerbach gave an advice. It was fantastically related to the movie (ie what's the moral lesson of the story, son?), and even somehow related to me as a relatively young doctor at the beginning of my practice.
"You doctors are good people. You study for years and years on end. and are truly dedicated in your work. Which is why when you reach middle age you sometimes get tired of it all and become tempted. I've talked to so many doctors who've cheated only when they got old. You have to pray, don't be like Richard Gomez's character a neurosurgeon who despite his loving family etc etc."

Good thing he had to say goodbye immediately because he had to pee. Under awkward situations I say the worst things. If we didn't immediately part ways I must have probably stammered something like "do you think that's uncomfortable, I mean the rock, I mean the rock on the beach, I mean...."